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Started by Tadagee on Jul 20, 2021 9:15:11 PM
Things that must always bloody happen in films

From a conversation with my son today.

E.g. In any film involving someone being chased through a market (ideally in North Africa/the Middle East) a fruit stall must always be knocked over.

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ReverendBlueJeans - 20 Jul 2021 21:50:21 (#1 of 293)

Any airliner that encounters engine trouble, terrorists, an onboard bomb etc must have at least one guitar-toting nun on board.

widenation - 20 Jul 2021 22:00:51 (#2 of 293)

Punches to the face have to sound like two planks of wood being slapped together.

machiavelli - 20 Jul 2021 22:02:57 (#3 of 293)

There's the Brother Rule...

Verdigris - 20 Jul 2021 21:09:58 (#4 of 293)

Empty cardboard boxes must be stacked on the route of any urban car chase.

Chickens must cross the road in any rural car chase.

machiavelli - 20 Jul 2021 22:11:32 (#5 of 293)

The gun-toting villains will always be rubbish shots.

popstar7 - 20 Jul 2021 22:14:09 (#6 of 293)

An older, often French, man catches sight of his much younger lover flirting with a handsome boy about her age. At first he is wounded and angry, but gradually he sees that, alors! it is ze way of things and that their relationship must end.

HouseOfLametta - 20 Jul 2021 22:15:35 (#7 of 293)

Drivers of marked police cars will crash. Ideally in a grotesquely comic way.

solomongursky - 20 Jul 2021 22:23:58 (#8 of 293)

Picks up phone. Presses 3 numbers. "Hello? Murphy is loose, he's got the girl, See you at the dock." Slams phone down.

HouseOfLametta - 20 Jul 2021 22:26:21 (#9 of 293)

Taxi drivers, enlisted for purposes of escaping or pursuing third parties, will talk like Latka Gravas and drive like Hannu Mikkola.

solomongursky - 20 Jul 2021 22:28:11 (#10 of 293)

Actually the phone thing is in Fletch. He says to a girl "Do you want my number? It's three.." She says "Yes?" he says "That's it. Three".

barkis - 20 Jul 2021 22:31:55 (#11 of 293)

Suspect running from cop crosses busy street just evading vehicle that blocks the cop.

carterbrandon - 20 Jul 2021 22:41:58 (#12 of 293)

And the cop has to lay both hands on said vehicle.

peacalmer - 20 Jul 2021 21:45:34 (#13 of 293)

All American phone numbers start with 555.

Satnav takes you to your destination even in a field in the middle of nowhere, without What Three Words.

In any perilous situation where they've got 10 seconds to get out of bomb/grenade range, two people spend 5 seconds staring stoically at each other, or sending "I love you, no I love you" looks, before the "oh right, we were going to run away, you go first no YOU go first" looks before both bothering to not die.

Variation on the above: "I'm dying, I'll hold them off." "I'm not leaving you!" "Go!" "No! I ain't gonna leave you!" Bizarrely never followed up with "Seriously, I'm bleeding out so can you stop being a dumbass and JUST FUCK OFF" except for the episode of Family Guy where Sinbad gets chopped to bits while Jeff is gallantly refusing to fuck off.

peacalmer - 20 Jul 2021 21:49:23 (#14 of 293)

If a planet killing extinction level event takes place, a Labrador Retriever will survive it.

peacalmer - 20 Jul 2021 21:51:00 (#15 of 293)

The person who wrings their hands sobbing "why is this happening to me" has ignored 85 minutes of whopping great signposts.

fogsake - 20 Jul 2021 22:51:31 (#16 of 293)

Last second wire cutting uncertainty on overcomplicated looking explosive devices.

widenation - 20 Jul 2021 22:53:13 (#17 of 293)

Bullets will propel recipients through doors/windows or across rooms.

carterbrandon - 20 Jul 2021 22:54:18 (#18 of 293)

But are stopped by flimsy car bodywork.

AdonisBlue - 20 Jul 2021 22:54:31 (#19 of 293)

People get thrown or jump through windows without getting so much as a scratch.

barkis - 20 Jul 2021 22:57:07 (#20 of 293)

Script I'd like to write:

For God's sake which wire should I cut?

The red one.

<snip>

Did I say red, I meant blue.

THE END

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