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Started by fenderstrat on Feb 20, 2019 6:31:23 PM
Things that piss you right fucking off - cooking edition

Preparing fine beans. I've now given up completely trying to get all the pointy bits off.

Taking courgettes from the fridge and feeling your finger disappear inside one.

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hailesaladdie - 20 Feb 2019 18:33:14 (#1 of 899)

Artichokes.

limegreen - 20 Feb 2019 18:34:28 (#2 of 899)

I leave the pointy ends on. I remember feeding them to my brother once and when I cleared the plates he had neatly cut off every single one.

foghorn - 20 Feb 2019 18:42:39 (#3 of 899)

Microscopic preparation instructions are murder on fading eyes.

PostmodernToss - 20 Feb 2019 18:47:13 (#4 of 899)

"... fry the onions gently until caramelised, about twenty minutes"

It invariably takes at least twice that long.

Delighted_User - 20 Feb 2019 19:09:34 (#5 of 899)

Kidneys. Let someone else prepare them.

lammaMia - 20 Feb 2019 19:28:10 (#6 of 899)

Oil. Effing colories and splatters.

hailesaladdie - 20 Feb 2019 19:39:02 (#7 of 899)

Unhelpful recipe instructions:

"Continue to heat until it reaches the correct consistency"

Or overly matey ones. There's a Jamie Oliver chicken recipe where he instructs the reader to "dump in the herbs". I tried, and fell off the worksurface.

TinyMcOtter - 20 Feb 2019 19:40:25 (#8 of 899)

Mayonnaise. No, I don’t want fucking mayonnaise on everything i eat.

TinyMcOtter - 20 Feb 2019 19:41:36 (#9 of 899)

“dump in the herbs”

That’s after dinner surely?

LomaxFairchild - 20 Feb 2019 19:42:32 (#10 of 899)

Blunt knives in self-catered apartments. And no fucking sharpener.

hailesaladdie - 20 Feb 2019 19:48:15 (#11 of 899)

> Mayonnaise. No, I don’t want fucking mayonnaise on everything i eat.

This. I can't stand Satan's precum. I even saw a smoked salmon and cream cheese sandwich with it on the other day.

LomaxFairchild - 20 Feb 2019 19:55:51 (#12 of 899)

#8 should be in TTPYRFO - eating edition, surely?

Tenesmus - 20 Feb 2019 20:13:58 (#13 of 899)

"Microwave at full power for 3 minutes. This is for those half a dozen people left in the country with 650w ovens. If you have one that's any more than 650w, well work it out yourself, you bourgeois prick."

TinyMcOtter - 20 Feb 2019 20:15:55 (#14 of 899)

even saw a smoked salmon and cream cheese sandwich with it on the other day.



No jury would convict.

TinyMcOtter - 20 Feb 2019 20:17:59 (#15 of 899)

should be in TTPYRFO - eating edition, surely?



I think it should be ‘right royally’ pissed off tbh.

Stellata - 20 Feb 2019 22:26:53 (#16 of 899)

Lingering curry smells.

nolongerstumpy - 20 Feb 2019 23:39:37 (#17 of 899)

Frying things "off". Off what? When did this become a thing?

CarlosFandango - 20 Feb 2019 23:42:51 (#18 of 899)

About 25 years ago, Grandad.

JohnIlly - 20 Feb 2019 23:48:39 (#19 of 899)

Cutting into an onion and realising that there are brown rings in the middle. And it's your last onion.

CarlosFandango - 20 Feb 2019 23:51:23 (#20 of 899)

Blunt knives, seconded. Anywhere.

Slavish recipe-following. Soggy pasta, fucked-up rice, boiled-to-death-and-halfway-back-again veg. almost all bung-its, any kind of 'kit', be it tacos, burgers, fajitas or whatever.

I could go on.

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