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Started by mingmong on Jul 31, 2014 8:21:23 PM
Formal social engagements, and the dread thereof

The prospect of a formal social engagement, e.g. a wedding, can put me in a foul mood for days if not weeks before the event in question. Yet once I'm there, I tend to thoroughly enjoy myself, and usually have to be dragged away by my better half (who has typically had to endure weeks/days of dudgeon). Its not the right way to carry on, and it has to change.

Expecting workable advice on how to dispel this irrational black cloud (and stop being such an utter cunt in the run up to such events) is probably asking a bit much. But sit down next to me if you have also been prone to the same thing, or been on the receiving end of someone else who has (perhaps a close family member). Maybe we can work it out together

have to attend a wedding tomorrow. Pity my family.

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TommyDGNR8 - 31 Jul 2014 20:33:52 (#2 of 107)

I think I know where you're coming from, ming.

I resent timetabled celebrations like New Year where you're labelled all sorts of nasties if you don't "join the fun" regardless of what's going on elsewhere in your life.

I think, for me, it's the lack of control - I don't like being told where to be, what to do or how to feel.

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mingmong - 31 Jul 2014 20:36:32 (#4 of 107)

I have a lot of time for the people who are getting married tomorrow. One of them is a close work colleague, the other his utter loverly intended. Good people, salt of the earth. And am honoured to be invited to their bash. But, jeezus I can& #39;t honestly say I& #39;m looking forward to it. Don& #39;t know why.

#3 good advice.

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Pentecost - 31 Jul 2014 20:39:55 (#6 of 107)

It's no more difficult, truthfully, than going through the fucking airport process where you move through boxes, do as you're told, take this off, put this on, don't be smart-arse, queue up here, stand there, don't be a smart-arse, follow procedure, don't be a smart-arse and then it's all over. In fact, airport is more of a fuck.

Pentecost - 31 Jul 2014 20:40:28 (#7 of 107)

The key thing is to remember is to shut the fuck up and do as you're told.

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Pentecost - 31 Jul 2014 20:46:23 (#10 of 107)

Actually, it won't if it's a business event, but on all other occasions it's your easiest way out.

TommyDGNR8 - 31 Jul 2014 20:47:17 (#11 of 107)

Going through the airport rigmarole has a pay-off at the end; usually a sunny, work-free one.

I'll do pretty much whatever I'm told by a guy with a semi-automatic and the ability to demand an intimate cavity search.

It's harder to keep schtum and play along when it's your son's best mate calling the shots.

Pentecost - 31 Jul 2014 20:48:30 (#12 of 107)

Then don't go.

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mingmong - 31 Jul 2014 20:52:14 (#14 of 107)

#9 Probably true.

I think the excruciating aspect of these kind of occasions is the whole business about having to be nice to people who you don't particularly like, and have good reason to suspect the feeling may be mutual.

However, the reason such social institutions exist and have stood the test of the time is precisely to get people beyond these feelings - even if only on a provisional basis.

Its no surprise that its us blokes who get most twitchy about this and the ladies that make it happen

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Pentecost - 31 Jul 2014 20:59:47 (#16 of 107)

ming, you are not actually being nice to them, you are like an actor following a script and stage direction. It's not you talking, it's your suit. You're just carrying it at the time.

surferboogiewhatever - 31 Jul 2014 21:01:10 (#17 of 107)

I think, for me, it's the lack of control - I don't like being told where to be, what to do or how to feel.

I know that feeling very well, but not specifically in connection with social occasions. One of the most annoying people in my life is the one who starts sentences with "You'll be pleased/sad/worried about X", which somehow always makes me immediately feel that I'm not, even if I might have been if someone hadn't told me I was.

I think weddings are at worst a bit boring, at best quite fun. They can be easier to deal with than very unstructured social occasions where, if you're a bit shy and can't seem to find anyone to talk to, it's all too easy just to go and sit in a corner on your own and be ignored. At least at a wedding you're normally at a table with some people, and most of them will make at least some effort to include you.

Pentecost - 31 Jul 2014 21:02:28 (#18 of 107)

Weddings are at best boring, at worst something you see from the car park while waiting for the finish.

Again, how many times in your life?

Pentecost - 31 Jul 2014 21:03:17 (#19 of 107)

My advice comes from Positively Aspie But Low On Horrorscale, by the way.

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