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Started by virgil5 on Jan 18, 2019 3:53:34 PM
Letters to God.

Work on them here.

Could be sometimes you just have to spell things out.

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virgil5 - 18 Jan 2019 15:54:49 (#1 of 34)

Dear God: I moved to the Catskills USA thinking they'd warm up like everything else is supposed to be doing.

Instead, I'm freezing my ass off.

What happened?

widenation - 18 Jan 2019 15:54:53 (#2 of 34)

gNOd.

Intowntonight - 18 Jan 2019 16:00:42 (#3 of 34)

Check out where you can get chicken soup: it substitutes for most things at the margin.

thisonehasalittlehat - 18 Jan 2019 16:01:24 (#4 of 34)

Dear God, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have a chance. I ain't mad - I just think it's FUCKED UP you don't answer fans. If you didn't wanna talk to me outside your church you didn't have to, but you coulda signed an autograph for Matthew. That's my little brother man, he's only six years old. We waited in the blistering cold for you, for four hours and you just said, "No." That's pretty shitty man - you're like his fucking idol. He wants to be just like you man, he likes you more than I do. I ain't that mad though, I just don't like being lied to. Remember when we met in Denver - you said if I'd write you You would write back - see I'm just like you in a way, I never knew my father neither; I can relate to what you're saying in your pslams so when I have a shitty day, I drift away and put 'em on 'Cause I don't really got shit else so that shit helps when I'm depressed. I even got a tattoo with your name across the chest. Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds It's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me. See everything you say is real, and I respect you 'cause you tell it. My girlfriend's jealous 'cause I talk about you 24/7. But she don't know you like I know you God, no one does. She don't know what it was like for people like us growing upYou gotta call me man, I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever loseSincerely yours, Hattie.P.S.We should be together, too

virgil5 - 18 Jan 2019 16:02:06 (#5 of 34)

#2

Ah: a spelling issue.

Maybe your question should be phrased "Why do I not know how to spell yet?"

Hope this helps :-)

thisonehasalittlehat - 18 Jan 2019 16:06:43 (#6 of 34)

Dear God, I wrote you but you still ain't calling. I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom. I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not-a got 'em. There probably was a problem at the post office or something. Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em. But anyways; fuck it, what's been up? Man, how's your son? I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan. I even got the underground shit that you did with Judith. I got a room full of your posters and your pictures, man. I like the shit you did with Paul , too, that shit was phat. Anyways, I hope you get this, man, hit me back, Just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan, this is Hattie.

peacalmer - 18 Jan 2019 16:09:26 (#7 of 34)

Dear God,



(80,000 pages later)

Yours faithfully, etc.

PS: Excuse the (relative) brevity.

virgil5 - 18 Jan 2019 16:11:32 (#8 of 34)

#4

Heavy, dude. You and God seem to be having a thing that goes way back.

pranzingfrogg - 18 Jan 2019 16:12:19 (#9 of 34)

@RealGod: 1 m ago

Why do i always get the blame for prayers not being answered? You know I live a long way away, I can’t hear mumbles...

Agaliarept - 18 Jan 2019 16:15:31 (#10 of 34)

Dear God,

Thanks for trees and stuff....any chance we can all go back to living in paradise again? I'll make sure no one touches the apples only it's gotten pretty shitty here recently.

Your atheist creation, Ags.

virgil5 - 18 Jan 2019 16:19:46 (#11 of 34)

chicken soup

This could have interesting publishing industry potential.

What's that?

OK never mind then :-(

thisonehasalittlehat - 18 Jan 2019 16:22:06 (#12 of 34)

Dear god.

We are firmly of the opinion that the starting point for any talks about how to break the religious deadlock must be that the threat of a disastrous a schism outcome is ruled out.

That is the position that we have consistently adhered to throughout.

I note that it is a position shared by all the opposition religions, including Islam, and is the expressed will of Judaism. . If you are serious about reaching a deal, then a schism must be ruled out.

After the unprecedented and unnecessary delay to the nicene creed last month, entering into talks while the clock continues to run down, and the threat of a chaotic schism increases, would be a reckless leap in the dark.

The Pope and the Cardinals were both open to ruling out a schism in the recent conference call with religious leaders.

Therefore, on behalf of the church, I ask you to rule out a schism and to immediately end the waste of hundreds of millions of souls preparing for a schism outcome. The 4.2 billion souls currently allocated to schism planning could significantly improve many of soul-starved church services on which people rely and could transform the lives of those struggling with catholic doctrine.

The church is open to meaningful discussions. But following the decisive rejection of the Pope's Creed by Cardinals on Tuesday, those cannot be on the basis of your existing red lines. It is clear that no tweaks or further assurances are going to win support for the Pope's nicene creed in the Church.

We have set out an alternative framework for a better creed: based upon a new comprehensive spirit-father-son union; a strong gospel; and guarantees that there can be no race to the bottom on morals and standards. That is the consistent position that the Church has outlined over the past year.

I am disappointed that there have already been several briefings in which you continue to rule out a godhead union. A new union is part of a solution favoured by most parishioners, and one that I believe could command a majority of the Church.

I look forward to receiving your reply.

Tenesmus - 18 Jan 2019 16:27:03 (#13 of 34)

What colour ink, hatters?

virgil5 - 18 Jan 2019 16:46:40 (#14 of 34)

#12

Perhaps a PowerPoint presentation with slides?

peacalmer - 18 Jan 2019 16:51:16 (#15 of 34)

Dear God.

That wasp that lays its eggs in cockroaches, or the one that turns frogs into zombies. That deep sea thingummy they based the monster in Deep Rising on.

If the Lord God made them all, can He please get The Asylum to make a decent horror film?

frantastic - 18 Jan 2019 18:34:53 (#16 of 34)

Dear god, why are you so expensive?

virgil5 - 18 Jan 2019 19:16:33 (#17 of 34)

Mr God:

I got your request on the hostage release situation, and respectfully submit that we would like to deal with you on this before things get even more out of hand.

Your demands are important to us, as we hope you understand, is the importance of the lives of your hostages.

We realise we probably haven't lived up to your standards, but in our defense I have to say we all don't claim to have an Intelligence or Understanding on par with Yours, You being the Creator of everything etc, which is probably why even your own Son finally figured out that maybe we really don't have a clue about what we're really doing, so possibly an Omniscient Being like Yourself could maybe cut us some slack?

But evidently not.

Instead, not much Word from you, while things "down here".....

well yes, some work is needed and even just a few nudges in the right direction by Someone who could make it look like They weren't really running everything if They wanted to, just allowing for "individual initiative" and all

But

frankly, things don't seem to have even the weirdly "OK" quality they had a little earlier, (OK possibly that was an illusion) and just wondering if maybe You had a few clues

A human named "Donald J Trump" was elected President of the USA, and

rest of letter crossed out

lammaMia - 19 Jan 2019 10:28:10 (#18 of 34)

I am having a party tonight. Can you join us and introduce yourself to me?

Intowntonight - 19 Jan 2019 12:36:07 (#19 of 34)

ps. bring a bottle .

virgil5 - 22 Jan 2019 15:29:01 (#20 of 34)

On these "MAGA" hats:

Was red and white the only choice?

Certainly with a hint or a nudge, black and white, blue and red, orange and black, or even purple and something could have been less boring.

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