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Started by angelico on Nov 23, 2021 8:12:58 AM
Management-speak and general work bullshit

B Ark self-absorption

Text sprinkled with hollow aspirations and meaningless phrases

Post them here and get them out of your head before you implode

angelico - 23 Nov 2021 08:15:01 (#1 of 71)

This from NHSE bears perusal. Well-meaning, I'm sure.


NHS England has unveiled a plan to modernise the health service’s human resources and organisational development functions over the next decade.

Published on Monday, the report outlines a 10-year strategy. It contains 35 actions that set out how the NHS’s people profession will be developed to work differently during that time.

It is the first major development plan for the service’s HR and OR functions for more than a decade.

The plan comes after a wide range of concerns were expressed by NHS leaders, staff and HR professionals during the consultation process undertaken earlier this year. These were revealed in an appendix to the plan.

These included concerns there was “no consistent approach” to applying professional HR standards and competencies within the service, and “no universal expectation or standard” for leaders and line managers in the NHS.

The research revealed the belief that: ”There are few consequences for line managers and leaders who do not fulfil their people responsibilities.”

The lack of an agreed talent management framework was also highlighted, with critics saying this made “it difficult to effectively mobilise talent within and across systems”.

Others raised issues with “inconsistent” ownership of the equality, diversity and inclusion agenda among boards, and claimed that senior leaders and people functions were “perpetuating inequalities at all levels”.

However, there was a broad belief that: ”The people profession has risen to the challenge of covid-19, demonstrating the value it adds to the service and the importance of the people agenda.”The plan

NHSE has now pledged to work, alongside others, to develop “dynamic” professional standards for the health service’s people profession, as well as to create a development “curriculum” by 2023.

It will develop the infrastructure to support the plan’s implementation by establishing a national people profession development board with “strong links” to the country’s regional people boards, also by 2023.

National bodies have also promised to work together to develop “leading-edge” practice for people services based on “robust research and evidence”.

This includes creating a “clear view” on the expectations of line managers in the service.

Frameworks to enable people services to assess the alignment of resources with the delivery of the NHS long-term plan, NHS people plan, and NHS people promise are proposed by the plan.

NHSE plans to establish a strategic board that prioritises and coordinates digital people strategic initiatives by the end of next year. It will also co-design and support the implementation of a ”new national people digital solution” – which will succeed the current electronic staff record – from 2024.

Other plans include:

Working with the profession to define metrics that will measure and track the health and wellbeing of staff;

Defining minimum standards for the physical work environment that supports good health and wellbeing;

Instructing HR leaders to ”overhaul recruitment processes to take account of EDI considerations” and to ensure all job appointment processes, including promotions, include evidence of the candidate’s “personal positive impact” on equality, diversity and inclusion in the workplace;

Ensuring all individuals from underrepresented backgrounds have a “clear development plan to help them reach their potential”; and

Embedding the principles of a “restorative just culture” into all people practices, such as employee relations, leadership and talent frameworks

In the report’s foreword, NHSE’s chief people officer Prerana Issar said: “This report was co-created by those most impacted by our work: NHS staff and their representatives, leaders and members of the people profession itself.

“It sets out the vision for how the people profession will continue to maximise our collective contribution to the NHS and meet the needs of staff, patients and local communities over the coming decade and beyond – building a brighter future for all.”

angelico - 23 Nov 2021 08:16:04 (#2 of 71)

I suspect that the reporter (it's from the HSJ) used quote marks to highlight the bullshit words already.

angelico - 23 Nov 2021 08:51:51 (#3 of 71)

And I heard last week that KPMG have been contracted, doubtless at huge cost, to review mandatory training.

Part of me, having dealt with endless droves of managers not noticeably achieving anything at all, thinks "good - sort it out". But then I reflect on previous contact with the top five consultancies and back comes the management-induced despair.

Oldbathrobe1 - 23 Nov 2021 08:56:45 (#4 of 71)

Genuine suggestion from above for Xmas fun- let's all do this shonky, online personality test and share the results. To build connections and help us communicate more effectively.

As usual, I will quietly ignore it.

Atticus - 23 Nov 2021 10:04:19 (#5 of 71)

"Result - Sociopath. Outcome: Promoted to Department Head."

Oldbathrobe1 - 23 Nov 2021 10:09:32 (#6 of 71)

My first instinct was to answer with the aim of having 'sociopath' come out the end. Apparently the test is built on the work of the creator of Wonder Woman, one William Moulton Marston.

Tenesmus - 23 Nov 2021 10:17:52 (#7 of 71)

ensure all job appointment processes, including promotions, include evidence of the candidate’s “personal positive impact” on equality, diversity and inclusion in the workplace;

I did the mandatory diversity course, will that do?

Oldbathrobe1 - 23 Nov 2021 10:21:37 (#8 of 71)

Have you patted a guide dog at least once in the last reporting year?

angelico - 23 Nov 2021 10:22:56 (#9 of 71)

Oh no, ten. You have to be able to

  • effectively mobilise talent within and across systems
  • develop “dynamic” professional standards
  • develop “strong links” to the country’s regional people boards
  • create a “clear view” on the expectations of line managers

and have "frameworks" which are - of course - aligned.

FleurDuMal - 23 Nov 2021 10:25:21 (#10 of 71)

I had an online meeting with my Head of Department this week, to discuss my ongoing (stress-related) sickness absence. When I raised the fact that one of the triggers was being asked to teach a subject I knew nothing about, she told me that as members of the XXX College ‘family’, we all help each other.

I thought ‘team’ was bad enough; this is vomit-inducing.

Pinkgum - 23 Nov 2021 10:28:23 (#11 of 71)

We are referred to as family at work. Everything is very branded behind the scenes - has its pros and cons.

angelico - 23 Nov 2021 10:29:07 (#12 of 71)

And never forget that we must also

  • define metrics
  • overhaul recruitment processes
  • have a clear development plan to help them reach their potential
  • embed the principles of a “restorative just culture”
  • make sure that the report was "co-created" by those "most impacted"

and, it goes without saying:

  • set out the vision
  • maximise our collective contribution
  • be for "the coming decade and beyond"

and must

  • build a brighter future for all.

The thing is, this is all laudable stuff, really. It just makes people queasy, and it probably just stays in a drawer somewhere, having gained a bit of "leverage" for "personal impact" in her career in the "people profession".

Most of all: bullet points.

angelico - 23 Nov 2021 10:30:24 (#13 of 71)

Ah, but Fleur, remember that Walmart and various others are also a "family".

But they're bloody well not, any of these fuckers.

ReverendBlueJeans - 23 Nov 2021 10:33:07 (#14 of 71)


Sorry to hear about you misfortune, Fleur, but if it is the tiniest bit of consolation, 'family' appears to be an emerging word in the FE sector race to the bottom.

We've just had a logo rebrand. Marketing were terribly excited about it. There's a 9-page pdf about the new logos and how to use them.

Yes, there are several versions of the new logo for different uses and occasions. They are, apparently, our Brand Family.

retches noisily and messily

FleurDuMal - 23 Nov 2021 10:33:25 (#15 of 71)

I hate that expression. At best, some are friends. The rest are just colleagues. I’ll get on OK with them at work, but I don’t want anything to do with them when I’m not being paid to do so.

angelico - 23 Nov 2021 10:37:19 (#16 of 71)

It's just another way that marketers have appropriated the best things about humanity and devalued them.

cf. mobile phone ads, supermarket ads, esp for christmas.

angelico - 23 Nov 2021 10:38:12 (#17 of 71)

God, how I despise marketing these days. I hope that I wasn't a complete cunt when I was a marketer myself.

pranzingfrogg - 23 Nov 2021 11:07:10 (#18 of 71)

Looking back, perhaps I should have told the firm in my retirement E mails that I was not actually retiring, but proactively engaging in an ongoing dynamic process of stakeholder goal setting to build a flexibly enabled future of non-commuting. They might have tried harder to keep me.


Oldbathrobe1 - 23 Nov 2021 11:08:43 (#19 of 71)

one of the triggers was being asked to teach a subject I knew nothing about, she told me that as members of the XXX College ‘family’, we all help each other.

Great. So you'll help me by not forcing me to do a job I'm not qualified for and I'll help you by not taking a grievance procedure that will never be off your desk for the next two years."

(NB a grievance procedure that will never be off your desk for the next two years is copyright from my years as a union rep. But feel free to use it).

levelgaze - 23 Nov 2021 11:09:26 (#20 of 71)

Hub and Spoke.

Agile Working.

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