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Started by Spontu on 16-Mar-2011 20:28:23
The Archers - The BBC Plumbs New Depths
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SlasherBindman - 16 Mar 2011 20:41:30 (#1 of 8476)

Davies gave an insight into some of the storylines that will feature on the digital show. "In the early episodes, we learn how Alice is getting on at university, and we meet Rhys, the barman at the Bull, who up to now has been a silent character," she said.

"There's also a chance to see what Jamie is getting up to behind his mother's back."

Who? Bring back Nelson's Wine Bar, flamehaired temptress Mandy Beesborough and the dodgy Snatch Foster.

Spontu - 16 Mar 2011 21:07:16 (#2 of 8476)

I reckon Jamie is wanking against his mother's back while she sleeps, blissfully ignorant of this.

Apart of course from waking alone with the curious sensation of lying in still-tacky jizz.

She will assume it is the ectoplasmic spurting of her late, Brummie, homophobic, former husband, the loathsome Sid Perks, come back from beyond the grave and she will start a spiritualist church in Ambridge.

JohnIlly - 17 Mar 2011 16:18:27 (#3 of 8476)

David looks just like you imagine him in that picture: dull, lumpen and slightly homicidal.

Ruth looks good, though.

localhost - 17 Mar 2011 17:50:54 (#4 of 8476)

How long before David turns to alcohol (briefly, like Ed's five minute crack addiction) to cover his guilt over whatsisname's death?

JohnIlly - 17 Mar 2011 18:56:23 (#5 of 8476)

I'd rather he turned to silage.

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JohnIlly - 20 Mar 2011 11:02:55 (#7 of 8476)

Jamie is rivalling, or even surpassing, his mother for tediousness now.

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Spontu - 20 Mar 2011 11:04:37 (#9 of 8476)

Considering that Vanessa Whitburn claims to have changed The Archers fron 'the everyday story of country folk' to a "contemporary drama" about tedious middle-class wankers, isn't it strange that the recession, the mass redundancies and the mess the country is getting into is not mentioned by any of the characters?

With such emphasis on the upcoming generation of odious brats it is highly surprising that the astronomical rise in the cost of university tuition fees has not cropped up in conversation.

One might well suspect that there is a political agenda...

mountebank - 20 Mar 2011 13:27:33 (#10 of 8476)

... or that it's just a fictional programme written by scrip-writers wanting an easy life.

Oddsquad - 23 Mar 2011 12:35:00 (#11 of 8476)

Jamie is knuckle-chewingly dull. Someone should insert him head-first into a bucket of silage. A large bucket.

Spontu - 23 Mar 2011 13:21:23 (#12 of 8476)

Kenton ought organise a day trip for everyone in Ambridge who says 'awesome' and 'cool'. Happily this takes in all the under-25s and Kenton himself.

Unfortunately everyone on the coach is killed almost instantly when it is mysteriously filled with cyanide gas, seconds before it bursts into flames and swerves into a sheer-sided 500-foot deep ravine at the bottom of which it - and everyone aboard - is smashed to smithereens, which are then swept away by the raging torrent.

smiggy - 23 Mar 2011 13:28:42 (#13 of 8476)

all the under-25s



Please include comedic, sunday lunch-scrounging yokels too.

Spontu - 23 Mar 2011 13:43:25 (#14 of 8476)

No. They are what makes The Archers worth listening to.

The mincing middle-classes are the interlopers and they should fuck off to Midsomer Murders or somewhere.

smiggy - 23 Mar 2011 14:18:45 (#15 of 8476)

Jazza is the only thing that makes it worth listening to.



They should replace The Archers with The Wit And Wisdom Of Jazza McCreary.

Spontu - 23 Mar 2011 19:45:08 (#16 of 8476)

Jazza is a comic townie. Like all the poor people in The Archers he is only there to be laughed at by the Tory scum.

elderberry - 28 Mar 2011 20:43:12 (#17 of 8476)

I wish God smote blasphemers with thnderbolts, I'd love to hear about a smouldering sulphurous pebble where the Archers production team used to be.

I want a civilized episode with Brian, Jennifer, Jill, Tony (not in doting grandfather mode) Shula, Joe and Lynda. Behaving like adults. Discussing something sensible like the Ambridge hobhound or Jack's Alzheimer's.

No Lent. No Ken'n'Doreen. No pudding club. No widows or orphans. And NO BLOODY BABIES.

bossab2 - 28 Mar 2011 22:33:56 (#18 of 8476)

I hope they produce an ongoing series featuring the previously unheard 'heard chatter' of David and Ruth's cows...

shadwell - 29 Mar 2011 09:41:15 (#19 of 8476)

Like all the poor people in The Archers he is only there to be laughed at by the Tory scum.

Indeed. A rustic buffoon in the Shakespearian tradition.

carterbrandon - 29 Mar 2011 11:02:01 (#20 of 8476)

I get quite narked when soap opera producers draw parallels between their dross, and Shakespeare and Dickens. That smirking Scouser immediately comes to mind (not Phil Redmond, the other one from the Beeb), who actually argued, I think in a Dimbelby lecture, that the two of them would happily be writing for him if they were alive today.

Just because Shakespeare did dynastic drama, and Dickens wrote caricatures in instalments, does not mean that their crud is The New Classic Drama.

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