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Started by Agaliarept on Apr 19, 2021 11:15:32 AM
10 songs we never want to hear in clubs ever again

With the world beginning to open up from this week, clubbing will soon be back on the cards. Like you, I’ve missed the overpriced drinks and that weird antiseptic smell, but there are certain club staples I have definitely not missed. There are classics, and then there are songs that have wormed their way into your mind and if they’re ever played again, you have to sit down / go outside and pretend you smoke and wait until it’s over to go back in again, lest you feel like you’re being tortured. Here is my definitive, scientific list of the main offenders.

Agaliarept - 19 Apr 2021 11:16:00 (#1 of 105)

Nice little list of songs possibly best consigned to history now.

Agree/disagree? Any others to add?

TRaney - 19 Apr 2021 11:32:38 (#2 of 105)

Do clubs really play these?

They'd have been considered naff at a school disco in 1985

Agaliarept - 19 Apr 2021 11:33:24 (#3 of 105)

Naff clubs probably do.

I can think a few I went to as a yoof that definitely would.

FrankieTeardrop - 19 Apr 2021 11:35:34 (#4 of 105)

They're songs you hear at work Christmas parties, not at trendy clubs like Leeds' Crossed Wires

Delighted_User - 19 Apr 2021 11:36:07 (#5 of 105)

I don't know any of those songs apart from the Queen and Bon Jovi ones. This is probably yet another benefit of not going to clubs. Or, God help us, work Xmas parties.

Also, 10 points.

Agaliarept - 19 Apr 2021 11:36:40 (#6 of 105)

I was at a (socially distanced) pub garden yesterday.

Living Next Door To Alice came on and all the sad twats in the garden filled in the Chubby Brown line.

I could die happy never hearing that song again.

Agaliarept - 19 Apr 2021 11:37:52 (#7 of 105)

yet another benefit of not going to clubs

As FT says some of these are christmas party staples and local radio go to tunes. You probably don't hear them much in actual nightclubs with actual djs.

dreams99 - 19 Apr 2021 11:38:27 (#8 of 105)

I don't know any of those songs apart from the Queen and Bon Jovi ones.

You don't klnow 'Merry Christmas Everybody'? Are you deaf?

Pretty much all of these songs you'll have heard somewhere in the last 40 years, they're not club songs.

It's a shit article.

Agaliarept - 19 Apr 2021 11:39:12 (#9 of 105)

It's a shit article.

So you're saying you love all the tunes listed?

FrankieTeardrop - 19 Apr 2021 11:42:06 (#10 of 105)

You probably don't hear them much in actual nightclubs with actual djs

Not at all. I Reckon the only place you would hear them are in Yates wine lodge type pubs, when they're full of stag and hen parties on a Saturday evening

ReverendBlueJeans - 19 Apr 2021 11:47:12 (#11 of 105)

Like you, I’ve missed the overpriced drinks and that weird antiseptic smell,

I have never experienced it, never mind miss it.

If I attend a 'club' I expect a library, a coffee room, member accommodation and a decent lunch menu.

Delighted_User - 19 Apr 2021 11:51:50 (#12 of 105)

"You don't klnow 'Merry Christmas Everybody'? Are you deaf?"

Sorry, it was the trauma. That was a deliberate joke to see if anyone was really reading, wasn't it? Surely that doesn't get played in clubs?

peacalmer - 19 Apr 2021 12:37:46 (#13 of 105)

Guaranteed to clear the deck: anything by Black Lace. Especially Agadoo, Do The Conga, and Gang Bang.

FrankieTeardrop - 19 Apr 2021 12:42:32 (#14 of 105)

I thought the latter was The Sensational Alex Harvey Band?

TRaney - 19 Apr 2021 12:42:39 (#15 of 105)

NME journos don't seem to be living the edgy, hip existence I might have once imagined. It seems a lot like the dives we'd end up in when I worked in the City.

Catspyjamas17 - 19 Apr 2021 12:42:47 (#16 of 105)

There are plenty of clubs that play overplayed pop music, always have been, more especially now I would say now house music is far more niche. I expect my daughter will be going to 90s or noughties nights soon.

FrankieTeardrop - 19 Apr 2021 12:43:57 (#17 of 105)

Think of all the great music released in the 90s, and how that decade is now represented basically by The Spice Girls and Oasis...

LemonGrass - 19 Apr 2021 12:46:39 (#18 of 105)

They got the date of Merry Christmas Everyone wrong.

Catspyjamas17 - 19 Apr 2021 12:47:07 (#19 of 105)

Well, I wouldn't mind the odd drunken shoutalong to Cigarettes and Alcohol just now. Not just now, but on a Friday night, perhaps.

ChankNolen - 10 May 2021 19:53:13 (#20 of 105)

All shite except My Sharona, which is great.

Grumpy old man mode enabled:

The last time I went to a club playing conventional pop/dance music I pissed everyone off by going 'I-VI-IV-V' every time the dreaded 'four chords that killed pop' appeared. Which was in every song except three across the whole evening, from memory.

At least some of those songs on the list have different chords, timbres and song structures. And melodies that consist of more than three notes.

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