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Started by lapsedcat on Feb 12, 2018 1:10:26 PM
Paying a visit to the Widow Henderson

Henderson has been dead since 2016.

I think I shall call on her tomorrow - damn the twitching net brigade.

My time is come.

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Gotout - 12 Feb 2018 13:11:50 (#1 of 230)

Indeed, strike whilst the iron is hot, grasp her firmly by the nettles or whatever access point comes to hand.

solomongursky - 12 Feb 2018 13:12:32 (#2 of 230)

It's only been 12 hours ffs.

Tagyourit - 12 Feb 2018 13:15:05 (#3 of 230)

I assume that "Paying a visit to the Widow Henderson" is some kind of antipodean euphemism for ghastly deeds with livestock. I can't say I'm surprised.

lapsedcat - 12 Feb 2018 13:18:03 (#4 of 230)

I shall adopt a respectful tone laced with the faintest hint of lechery.

Something along the lines of, "My dear Mrs Henderson. Allow me to extend my renewed sympathies for your loss and I hope and trust that time has been a great healer. May I say you're looking very handsome? Those weeds really accentuate your hourglass figure."

solomongursky - 12 Feb 2018 13:29:33 (#5 of 230)

Hair slicked down in a centre-parting, gripping tattered daffodils from the garage.

lapsedcat - 12 Feb 2018 13:33:12 (#6 of 230)

Straw boater at a rakish tilt.

solomongursky - 12 Feb 2018 13:34:09 (#7 of 230)

"I know it seems soon, after all your old man didn't even like me using his lawn mower, ha ha!"

TinyMcOtter - 12 Feb 2018 13:35:51 (#8 of 230)

What the fuck is this thread about. And yes, I know it’s a lapsed thread.

welcome back btw.

Brunothecat - 12 Feb 2018 13:37:42 (#9 of 230)

Give it the works, the full Milk Tray shinning up the drainpipe with the gift wrapped box routine. People need cheering up in these difficult times.

Gotout - 12 Feb 2018 13:37:53 (#10 of 230)

Was he of a similar build to you? If so his old suits might be a useful addition to your wardrobe.

Brunothecat - 12 Feb 2018 13:40:16 (#11 of 230)

Drainpipe man wears a fetching all black catsuit, I seem to remember. At least you look a bit dashing if nicked for breaking and entering. It is of course the risk of the latter which arouses the admiration of the ladies, the appalling risk just to deliver their lime and caramel surprise.

FeudalClink - 12 Feb 2018 13:42:36 (#12 of 230)

Is it about wanking?

Macpaddy - 12 Feb 2018 13:44:38 (#13 of 230)

A black catsuit is no match for tight, mustard coloured short shorts. Just don't wear your purple shirt - hopefully her mourning is done with. You don't want to reignite it.

solomongursky - 12 Feb 2018 13:45:35 (#14 of 230)

Black Magic bloke had black trousers, polo neck jumper.

lapsedcat - 12 Feb 2018 13:46:07 (#15 of 230)

Bruno: the Black catsuit - balaclava or not?

thatshallot - 12 Feb 2018 13:46:10 (#16 of 230)

#12: That would be Mrs Palmer and her five daughters.

Or so I'm led to believe.

Macpaddy - 12 Feb 2018 13:48:32 (#17 of 230)

Balaclava? Are you going to woo her or burglarise her home?

Wear you tight mustard shorts and try to accentuate the presence of little lapsed.

lapsedcat - 12 Feb 2018 13:52:50 (#18 of 230)

Burglarise is such an ugly word.

mingmong - 12 Feb 2018 14:05:33 (#19 of 230)

"If there's anything I can do, Mrs H. And I mean, anything"

lapsedcat - 12 Feb 2018 14:31:00 (#20 of 230)

"I happen to have a spare ticket to the theatre tomorrow night. It's a touring production of The Norman Conquests featuring Arthur Bostrom. Would you do me the great honour of accompanying me and allowing me to take you for a spot of dinner beforehand?"

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