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Started by lapsedcat on Jan 7, 2019 1:28:55 PM
Dial-a-Dump

I came up with a possible business scheme. Shitting is recession-proof and everyone does it. Doing it at work is becoming more and more socially unacceptable. I propose a fleet of specially-fitted soundproofed minivans - if you feel the urge and cannot countenance using the office lavatory you call Dial-a-Dump and within minutes one of the vans will arrive and allow you to discreetly go about your business without anybody being the wiser.

It will be relatively inexpensive to the consumer - you're charged by the minute and I would propose 80p per minute for starters. There would be a loyalty scheme - every time you use it you get a card stamped and the tenth one is free.

Who's ready to invest?

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lapsedcat - 07 Jan 2019 13:29:38 (#1 of 58)

And let's get 'shit whimsy' out of the way right now.

TRaney - 07 Jan 2019 13:30:30 (#2 of 58)

Doing it at work is becoming more and more socially unacceptable.

Is it?

thisonehasalittlehat - 07 Jan 2019 13:31:45 (#3 of 58)

Ernest Hemmingway used to write standing up because he was a bit of a cunt about sitting around idly and that kind of thing. So that's proof right there.

cozzer - 07 Jan 2019 13:33:06 (#4 of 58)

without anybody being the wiser

Surely going out to a shit van will be more conspicuous than popping into the office lavvy? At least with the latter you can say you were doing something else

Winner - 07 Jan 2019 13:33:14 (#5 of 58)

There was a woman on telly the other day wrote a whole book on a treadmill. Don't know where she was dumping though.

lapsedcat - 07 Jan 2019 13:35:05 (#6 of 58)

Surely going out to a shit van will be more conspicuous than popping into the office lavvy? At least with the latter you can say you were doing something else

The minivans won't have Dial-a-Dump livery - they will be as anonymous as television detector vans.

widenation - 07 Jan 2019 13:35:30 (#7 of 58)

One issue with delivery services is that they often arrive when you're on the bog. I guess that wouldn't be a problem here though, so that's one box ticked.

lapsedcat - 07 Jan 2019 13:37:46 (#8 of 58)

This is not a delivery service as such. More a deposit service.

browserbutton - 07 Jan 2019 13:38:06 (#9 of 58)

Sustainability -- the van could also run on shit, like the buses in Bristol.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bio_bus#/media/File:
Badgerline_30_-_First_68501_(YT13YUK).JPG

widenation - 07 Jan 2019 13:41:41 (#10 of 58)

I'm envisaging a TV ad a bit like the Vanarama one:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5_lEq1-vTo

carterbrandon - 07 Jan 2019 14:05:34 (#11 of 58)

There was a woman on telly the other day wrote a whole book on a treadmill.



It was a bit repetitive. But then that's looped rubber surfaces for you.

browserbutton - 07 Jan 2019 14:15:56 (#12 of 58)

I think they have a similar system in China, but for executions.

spartak - 07 Jan 2019 14:18:17 (#13 of 58)

Let’s do an ICO to raise funds. What shall we call the crypto currency?

downbuzz - 07 Jan 2019 14:20:39 (#14 of 58)

I used to work for Dial-a-Phone. Maybe I could work in telesales again.

that is a real life nightmare I had, except the office was a primary school classroom

wickeltisch - 07 Jan 2019 14:35:06 (#15 of 58)

they will be as anonymous as television detector vans

So how will you find the right van? If you're in a real hurry and climb into the first van in front of your office and have a shit it might be the last shit of your life if the driver objects.

Gotout - 07 Jan 2019 14:44:59 (#16 of 58)

What you need is one of these, under your desk:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Thetford-Porta-365-Camping-Toilet/dp/B006AUOR1W?ref_=fsclp_pl_dp_1

widenation - 07 Jan 2019 14:50:36 (#17 of 58)

One with wheels fitted, so you could collect stuff from the printer and chat to colleagues at the same time.

wickeltisch - 07 Jan 2019 14:53:29 (#18 of 58)

A Victorian toilet chair looks better.

https://goo.gl/images/NhwESc

Gotout - 07 Jan 2019 14:53:52 (#19 of 58)

#17 A skilful chap like lapsed could fit it to a mobility scooter to save walking.

SinnerBoy - 07 Jan 2019 15:19:17 (#20 of 58)

Winner -

There was a woman on telly the other day wrote a whole book on a treadmill.

Are you sure it wasn't a scroll?

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