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Started by upgoerfive on Aug 6, 2019 12:34:39 PM
If I Were King of The World ...

A thread in which to propose terrifyingly draconian punishments for the perpetrators of minor yet annoying offences.

example: Able-bodied persons who park in supermarket disabled spaces to be swiftly crippled.

Go ahead - Free your inner Kim Jong-un.

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widenation - 06 Aug 2019 12:37:41 (#1 of 53)

Able-bodied person could be prone to panic attacks though.

Leftie - 06 Aug 2019 12:38:15 (#2 of 53)

People who say "able bodied"...

widenation - 06 Aug 2019 13:30:48 (#3 of 53)

This seems fair punishment:

https://www.theguardian.com/world/video/2019/aug/0
6/spanish-police-order-man-who-threw-fridge-off-cliff-to-drag-it-back-up-video

TheExcession - 06 Aug 2019 13:47:01 (#4 of 53)

People who talk in cinemas to be executed on the spot. Silently.

nac1001 - 06 Aug 2019 13:50:02 (#5 of 53)

People who put their dog’s poo in a small plastic bag and then just leave the filled bag on a grass verge or a low hanging branch. Life without parole.

solomongursky - 06 Aug 2019 13:50:10 (#6 of 53)

During the chase a man in the cinema told Paddington to “run, you cunt”

https://twitter.com/jimmfelton/status/929391512709
935106?lang=en

TheExcession - 06 Aug 2019 13:54:40 (#7 of 53)

People who park on the street three quarters of a car length from the vehicle in front. People who park their car directly opposite the only other car parked on a narrow street.

Wheeling, shooting etc. etc.

TRaney - 06 Aug 2019 13:57:09 (#8 of 53)

Able-bodied persons who park in supermarket disabled spaces to be swiftly crippled.

wouldn't that make them eligible for the disabled spaces and only compound the problem?

widenation - 06 Aug 2019 14:02:08 (#9 of 53)

People who always park in the handy 'visitor' office parking bays despite having worked there daily for 10 years.

Car removed, and a large sticker left, just saying "c*nt".

nemo75 - 06 Aug 2019 14:03:07 (#10 of 53)

Removed. Crushed. Returned.

FrankieTeardrop - 06 Aug 2019 14:03:12 (#11 of 53)

“wouldn't that make them eligible for the disabled spaces and only compound the problem?”

You’d make a terrible narcissistic, impulsive tyrant, TRaney.

TRaney - 06 Aug 2019 14:03:57 (#12 of 53)

Thank you, nice of you to say so

Agaliarept - 06 Aug 2019 14:08:58 (#13 of 53)

People who eat loudly in public places to have all their teeth removed.

TheExcession - 06 Aug 2019 14:09:38 (#14 of 53)

I do wish somebody would make rolls of large, difficult to remove stickers backed with horribly sticky glue, that read 'I PARK LIKE A CUNT'

For affixing to windscreens.

widenation - 06 Aug 2019 14:13:37 (#15 of 53)

A friend had a 'crime and punishment' themed fancy-dress party and used eBay police investigation/restriction tape outside their house. The local police dropped by the following day, a bit miffed.

Agaliarept - 06 Aug 2019 14:17:25 (#16 of 53)

People who park on the street three quarters of a car length from the vehicle in front.

How do you know which car is in the wrong though? Car A could've parked correctly close to Car B. Car B could've then left while Car C turns up and parks like a cunt.

Then you put a sticker on Car A.

Seems harsh.

HouseOfLametta - 06 Aug 2019 14:29:25 (#17 of 53)

In Bristol, well up the hill in Bristol, they sometimes have a whimsical, community based way of dealing with bad parking.

I think it started with post it notes. A disgruntled neighbour would put a post it complain about parking. Then another would appear. I've seen whole cars plastered on them, hundreds.

Another is spray snow (poss shaving foam) sprayed over the windscreen and the words I say! What thoughtful parking! written with a finger.

My favourites are the realistic looking numberplate stickers reading

CUNT



I park like a cunt



Applied over the real ones.

upgoerfive - 06 Aug 2019 21:24:33 (#18 of 53)

People who park on the street three quarters of a car length from the vehicle in front.



I propose that their vehicle be towed away and crushed to a cube.

With them inside it.

carterbrandon - 06 Aug 2019 21:29:06 (#19 of 53)

One day, when I can be arsed enough, I'll leave a flirty-looking PostIt with a contact web address, which (when they return to their car and go to it) will take them to their brand new entry on the 'You Park Like A Cunt' blog.

SinnerBoy - 06 Aug 2019 21:29:22 (#20 of 53)

TheExcession -

I do wish somebody would make rolls of large, difficult to remove stickers backed with horribly sticky glue, that read 'I PARK LIKE A CUNT'

Join:

www.youparklikeacunt.com

Anyway, arseholes, who park in our street, after ticketing times, 3/4 of a length from the end / start of a bay. Because the traffic wardens don't stop at 17:30.

No.

They're out until 20:00, looking for people parked slightly out of the marked area.

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