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Started by thismorning on Jun 30, 2020 8:49:32 PM
A bear came out of the woods...

He was not wearing a mask.

widenation - 30 Jun 2020 20:53:53 (#1 of 26)

He'd wiped his arse with it?

HorstVogel - 30 Jun 2020 20:55:19 (#2 of 26)

if a rabbit wasn't at hand, I would expect so.

thismorning - 30 Jun 2020 20:58:43 (#3 of 26)

Do you really have to ask?

thismorning - 30 Jun 2020 20:59:26 (#4 of 26)

Poor ikle rabbit.

DesEsseintes - 30 Jun 2020 21:01:02 (#5 of 26)

Bears wipe their arse on the Guardian, I am told

in the suburbs, anyway

FGBFGB - 30 Jun 2020 23:11:12 (#6 of 26)

Only because they wouldn't' t shit on the Mail, Express, or Borisgraph. Bears have standards.

thismorning - 30 Jun 2020 23:23:59 (#7 of 26)

Bear poo keeps some people up at night, I mean I am so told. Apparently they like to know what can be found in it. They start innocently hiking on the internet, then they are in Norway or Colorado sneaking around some trees, some pointy thing in their hand.

frantastic - 30 Jun 2020 23:54:51 (#8 of 26)

What would A A Milne say about that?

widenation - 30 Jun 2020 23:58:14 (#9 of 26)

Dogs 'rub' (for want of a better word) themselves in fox shit if found apparently. Bears rub their own shit on rabbits.

Ebadlun - 01 Jul 2020 00:02:15 (#10 of 26)

Is this bear catholic?

thismorning - 01 Jul 2020 05:10:36 (#11 of 26)

A bearatic my guess.

browserbutton - 01 Jul 2020 09:43:02 (#12 of 26)

Tip for campers: If you find that a bear has done its business in the woods, pick up the said 'scat' in a biodegradable black plastic bag, tie a knot in the bag, and hang it on a tree.

If enough campers did that, we wouldn't have that awkward scene (played out right across USA bear country) where Paw comes in from some wood-choppin' and hunkers right down on the sofa to catch the game, only for the family to start a-hollerin': "Paw, get outta here! You done trod in bear shit agin' yuh ornery ol' galoot!"

virgil5 - 03 Jul 2020 03:21:57 (#13 of 26)

Obviously, the 'bear' is your repressed urge to chase down those who resist giving in to your subtle genius, and are probably snickering right now, but won't be snickering after you grab what some other magic animal has left in a plastic bag hanging in a tree and rub it in their face before you eat their face off.

You may qualify for a discount on the usual electroshock "therapy", however.


thismorning - 03 Jul 2020 05:02:11 (#14 of 26)

We apologize for the interruption in your freedom. it is not necessary to call us.-- Da Dears.

LemonGrass - 03 Jul 2020 05:03:35 (#15 of 26)

#6 - Bears can't use the Mail, Express, or Borisgraph. They're covered in shit already!

virgil5 - 03 Jul 2020 07:45:34 (#16 of 26)

A bear came out of the woods. It was Oregon so he was wearing a red checkered wool hunting hat with the flaps dowm in August. He was drinking a Fanta and singing California Dreamin while threatening everyone with a loofah and his Rasta hacky sack unicorn. Laid back panic broke out.

thismorning - 03 Jul 2020 17:01:38 (#17 of 26)

Bears in the wind. All we are is bears in the wind.

thismorning - 04 Jul 2020 00:48:11 (#18 of 26)

in the hotel Bearafornia, golf balls in the poo-- you can wear any mask you like,

but you can never breathe.

thismorning - 04 Jul 2020 00:51:41 (#19 of 26)

Bears feast on plump 14 handicapper.

thismorning - 04 Jul 2020 01:11:10 (#20 of 26)

Caddy pulls no. 4 pepper grinder from bag.

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