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Started by Verdigris on Jun 8, 2021 4:26:50 PM
Startling statements...

...and their mundane explanation.

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Verdigris - 08 Jun 2021 16:28:24 (#1 of 24)

I put my plums in the microwave.









They were cold, from the fridge, and I wanted to eat them straight away. 20 seconds was just right.

browserbutton - 08 Jun 2021 16:29:54 (#2 of 24)

I put my nuts in a vice, and smashed them repeatedly with a hammer.







Brazil nuts, left over from Christmas.

upgoerfive - 08 Jun 2021 16:47:47 (#3 of 24)

"Stand in boiling water for 10-15 minutes"

To heat a tinned sponge pudding.

CarlosFandango - 08 Jun 2021 17:01:31 (#4 of 24)

"Keep out of reach of chidren"











Finally a valid reason to go to 'spoons.

nemo75 - 08 Jun 2021 17:13:03 (#5 of 24)

Kids are allowed there...

CarlosFandango - 08 Jun 2021 18:30:41 (#6 of 24)

Bingo!!

nemo75 - 08 Jun 2021 18:33:05 (#7 of 24)

?

CarlosFandango - 08 Jun 2021 18:36:24 (#8 of 24)

Never mind.

Macpaddy - 08 Jun 2021 18:45:07 (#9 of 24)

Always test boiling jam by dipping your forefinger in it.

To test if your lightbulb is dead or not, remove it from its socket and, using your jam testing finger, suck it and stick it in the socket. (always ensure that the switich is in the 'On' position.)

widenation - 08 Jun 2021 19:00:37 (#10 of 24)

"No return within two hours."

browserbutton - 08 Jun 2021 19:03:13 (#11 of 24)

"May Contain Traces of Nuts."







Rummages in voluminous underpants.

nemo75 - 08 Jun 2021 19:05:42 (#12 of 24)

Ah. The exception.

widenation - 08 Jun 2021 19:09:51 (#13 of 24)

"Illegal alien crossing."

LordofMisrule - 08 Jun 2021 19:29:27 (#14 of 24)

#4 The old Alan Moore wisdom: "Keep in a dry place, keep away from children and strike gently away from the body"







From the back of a pack of Swan Vestas

browserbutton - 08 Jun 2021 19:41:41 (#15 of 24)

"Light blue touch paper, and retire immediately."







Retirement's OK, but I'm still waiting for the fireworks.

Dubris - 08 Jun 2021 19:43:12 (#16 of 24)

SLOW DOWN CHILDREN PLAYING

Apparently this is a warning to drivers, not an instruction.

nemo75 - 08 Jun 2021 19:45:57 (#17 of 24)

Heavy plant crossing.

LIES

barkis - 08 Jun 2021 19:46:45 (#18 of 24)

This door is alarmed.

nemo75 - 08 Jun 2021 19:49:03 (#19 of 24)

It MIGHT be!

upgoerfive - 08 Jun 2021 20:58:37 (#20 of 24)

SLOW

CHILDREN



"Are you my daddy?"

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