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Started by AppleCatcher on Aug 12, 2021 12:25:55 PM
Bleepy appliances

They never stop. The diswasher goes BEEP BEEP BEEEP (silence) BEEEEEP. The fridge complains loudly if you spend more than 1/2 a second trying to find something inside.

The washing machine. The bloody washing machine sings twelve fucking bars of the Schubert's schöne Müllerin when it's done. And the coffee machine! Passive aggressive little twat.

Talk about your appliance woes here.

AppleCatcher - 12 Aug 2021 12:43:40 (#13 of 112)

Does anyone really need to know that a dishwasher cycle is over? What are you expected to do? Empty it and suffer third degree burns on the scalding crockery?

AppleCatcher - 12 Aug 2021 12:44:23 (#14 of 112)

You wait until the fridge is intelligent

The contents of my fridge are more intelligent than most life, as evidenced on the internet. Certainly the cheese is, at any rate.

bossab2 - 12 Aug 2021 13:45:21 (#15 of 112)

My washing machine actually turns itself off entirely when left.

Which is a pain in the arse as there is nothing to remind you that it still contains soggy clothing.

AppleCatcher - 12 Aug 2021 12:46:10 (#16 of 112)

Would you rather it played chamber music on a casio keyboard ca. 1982, like mine?

helbel - 12 Aug 2021 13:46:33 (#17 of 112)

All modern washing machines and dishwashers have a sequence of key presses that turn off the bleeping.


AppleCatcher - 12 Aug 2021 12:47:30 (#18 of 112)

Stop machinesplaining machines to me.

Verdigris - 12 Aug 2021 12:48:42 (#19 of 112)

Actually a washing machine beep, activated by an approaching person, would be useful. I have to leave the laundry basket in front of mine, to remind me there are clothes within, if I leave the house while the machine is on.

FleurDuMal - 12 Aug 2021 13:49:46 (#20 of 112)

You wait until the fridge is intelligent - and can give 'dietary advice'

Hah, can you imagine?

Put the chocolate back, you fat fuck - there’s plenty of lettuce in the salad drawer!

bossab2 - 12 Aug 2021 13:49:51 (#21 of 112)

Would you rather it played chamber music on a casio keyboard ca. 1982, like mine?

Nope. Just leaving the word 'end' on the display would be good

AppleCatcher - 12 Aug 2021 12:51:15 (#22 of 112)

Put the chocolate back

What sort of monster puts the chocolate in the fridge anyway?

toffle - 12 Aug 2021 13:54:31 (#23 of 112)

A monster who likes their chocolate in solid form.

toffle - 12 Aug 2021 13:55:36 (#24 of 112)

Hah, can you imagine?

I'm imagining something like:

Give me the chocolate, HAL.

I'm sorry Dave, I can't do that.

melpomene - 12 Aug 2021 13:56:27 (#25 of 112)

My washing machine sings to me too. it's quite helpful if an annoying tune which I can't quite place or bother to find out. But it's not as annoying as 'please move roomba', when the lazy bastard isn't caught under anything, it's just sat under the spare bed. It has an attitude problem, that thing. Or J Edgar, as it is known in our house.

melpomene - 12 Aug 2021 13:57:34 (#26 of 112)

Also on the rare occasions I buy chocolate, it goes in the fridge. Which doens't talk to me. MrM's choclate purchases, much more frequent, don't last long enough to justify the fridge.

wickeltisch - 12 Aug 2021 13:59:07 (#27 of 112)

Bleeping washing machines? What modern stuff is that?

<Looks at 25-year-old machine that keeps silent apart from noisy spin circle>

widenation - 12 Aug 2021 14:02:53 (#28 of 112)

When you upgrade your machine you may find that it destroys your clothes.

wickeltisch - 12 Aug 2021 14:04:45 (#29 of 112)

It certainly eats socks. You put in pairs and for some only one sock comes back out.

Verdigris - 12 Aug 2021 13:07:17 (#30 of 112)

But it's not as annoying as 'please move roomba'

The Grim Sweeper announcing "charging complete" in an unnecessarily loud voice, in the early hours, is annoying. Especially as charging was completed many hours ago and the fucker has been sitting idle in the meantime.

melpomene - 12 Aug 2021 14:12:26 (#31 of 112)

I guess at least the 'please' is polite.

I like 'the Grim Sweeper' as a name.

TheExcession - 12 Aug 2021 14:24:13 (#32 of 112)

I think we're only a handful of years away from the hell that is Red Dwarf's Talky Toaster.

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