No smilies, no avatars, no flashing gifs. Just discuss the issues of the day, from last night's telly via football to science or philosophy.
Started by AppleCatcher on Aug 12, 2021 12:25:55 PM
Bleepy appliances

They never stop. The diswasher goes BEEP BEEP BEEEP (silence) BEEEEEP. The fridge complains loudly if you spend more than 1/2 a second trying to find something inside.

The washing machine. The bloody washing machine sings twelve fucking bars of the Schubert's schöne Müllerin when it's done. And the coffee machine! Passive aggressive little twat.

Talk about your appliance woes here.

FleurDuMal - 12 Aug 2021 13:49:46 (#20 of 112)

You wait until the fridge is intelligent - and can give 'dietary advice'

Hah, can you imagine?

Put the chocolate back, you fat fuck - there’s plenty of lettuce in the salad drawer!

bossab2 - 12 Aug 2021 13:49:51 (#21 of 112)

Would you rather it played chamber music on a casio keyboard ca. 1982, like mine?

Nope. Just leaving the word 'end' on the display would be good

AppleCatcher - 12 Aug 2021 12:51:15 (#22 of 112)

Put the chocolate back

What sort of monster puts the chocolate in the fridge anyway?

toffle - 12 Aug 2021 13:54:31 (#23 of 112)

A monster who likes their chocolate in solid form.

toffle - 12 Aug 2021 13:55:36 (#24 of 112)

Hah, can you imagine?

I'm imagining something like:

Give me the chocolate, HAL.

I'm sorry Dave, I can't do that.

melpomene - 12 Aug 2021 13:56:27 (#25 of 112)

My washing machine sings to me too. it's quite helpful if an annoying tune which I can't quite place or bother to find out. But it's not as annoying as 'please move roomba', when the lazy bastard isn't caught under anything, it's just sat under the spare bed. It has an attitude problem, that thing. Or J Edgar, as it is known in our house.

melpomene - 12 Aug 2021 13:57:34 (#26 of 112)

Also on the rare occasions I buy chocolate, it goes in the fridge. Which doens't talk to me. MrM's choclate purchases, much more frequent, don't last long enough to justify the fridge.

wickeltisch - 12 Aug 2021 13:59:07 (#27 of 112)

Bleeping washing machines? What modern stuff is that?

<Looks at 25-year-old machine that keeps silent apart from noisy spin circle>

widenation - 12 Aug 2021 14:02:53 (#28 of 112)

When you upgrade your machine you may find that it destroys your clothes.

wickeltisch - 12 Aug 2021 14:04:45 (#29 of 112)

It certainly eats socks. You put in pairs and for some only one sock comes back out.

Verdigris - 12 Aug 2021 13:07:17 (#30 of 112)

But it's not as annoying as 'please move roomba'

The Grim Sweeper announcing "charging complete" in an unnecessarily loud voice, in the early hours, is annoying. Especially as charging was completed many hours ago and the fucker has been sitting idle in the meantime.

melpomene - 12 Aug 2021 14:12:26 (#31 of 112)

I guess at least the 'please' is polite.

I like 'the Grim Sweeper' as a name.

TheExcession - 12 Aug 2021 14:24:13 (#32 of 112)

I think we're only a handful of years away from the hell that is Red Dwarf's Talky Toaster.

wickeltisch - 12 Aug 2021 14:25:12 (#33 of 112)

Wait till you open the fridge door to take out some bacon and beer and the fridge starts telling you to live more healthily.

TheExcession - 12 Aug 2021 14:26:56 (#34 of 112)

Also: I refuse to talk TO appliances unless they can act upon the words 'fuck off'.

melpomene - 12 Aug 2021 14:28:27 (#35 of 112)

Oh I don't talk 'to' them, just at them. See also: the cats. And in fact one of them makes a noise suspiciously like a bleep.

limegreen - 12 Aug 2021 14:28:41 (#36 of 112)

Unauthorised Bread is a novella about immigration and exploitation and not being allowed to use anything but the official approved bread in your toaster.

Tenesmus - 12 Aug 2021 14:40:35 (#37 of 112)

The tumble drier beeps every five minutes to remind you it's finished. For ever, as far as I can tell.

The fridge beeps insistently if you leave the door open for more than a minute. Except it doesn't. It beeps if the light is on for more than a minute which, as you can open the door so far without the light coming on, is the shittest piece of design ever.

Verdigris - 12 Aug 2021 14:46:05 (#38 of 112)

Out of three, only the big freezer is a beeper. Woe betide you if you spend too long deciding which variety of Not-Magnum to consume in front of the only-beeps-when-the-EPG-is-activated giant telly.

Ginmonkey - 12 Aug 2021 16:20:06 (#39 of 112)

My washing machine is a bleeper. Our flat main doors also bleep insistently at you if you leave them open.

Check Subscriptions
Home » The Haven