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Started by AppleCatcher on Aug 12, 2021 12:25:55 PM
Bleepy appliances

They never stop. The diswasher goes BEEP BEEP BEEEP (silence) BEEEEEP. The fridge complains loudly if you spend more than 1/2 a second trying to find something inside.

The washing machine. The bloody washing machine sings twelve fucking bars of the Schubert's schöne Müllerin when it's done. And the coffee machine! Passive aggressive little twat.

Talk about your appliance woes here.

FGBFGB - 12 Aug 2021 13:33:27 (#5 of 112)

You are lucky it's not the Birdy Song.

AppleCatcher - 12 Aug 2021 12:34:40 (#6 of 112)

I dread to think what would happen if any of the fuckers were connected. Terminator is nothing on what the microwave would do if it had access to the internet.

Tinymcsmithy - 12 Aug 2021 13:36:13 (#7 of 112)

My microwave makes bleeping noises for some time after the door is opened and the contents have been removed. Shut the fuck up you noisy cunt.

FleurDuMal - 12 Aug 2021 13:39:55 (#8 of 112)

My bloody alarm clock bleeps and wakes me up!

Macpaddy - 12 Aug 2021 13:39:56 (#9 of 112)

I think they should all have pre alarm beeps.

AppleCatcher - 12 Aug 2021 12:40:43 (#10 of 112)

And reminder bleeps whenever they disagree with something you did.

tasselhoff - 12 Aug 2021 13:42:29 (#11 of 112)

The only appliance that beeps reasonably is the oven. The others keep reminding you every 30 seconds or worse (yes, I'm looking at you, McGyvered chest freezer that now works as a fridge).

bossab2 - 12 Aug 2021 13:42:51 (#12 of 112)

I dread to think what would happen if any of the fuckers were connected

You wait until the fridge is intelligent - and can give 'dietary advice'

AppleCatcher - 12 Aug 2021 12:43:40 (#13 of 112)

Does anyone really need to know that a dishwasher cycle is over? What are you expected to do? Empty it and suffer third degree burns on the scalding crockery?

AppleCatcher - 12 Aug 2021 12:44:23 (#14 of 112)

You wait until the fridge is intelligent

The contents of my fridge are more intelligent than most life, as evidenced on the internet. Certainly the cheese is, at any rate.

bossab2 - 12 Aug 2021 13:45:21 (#15 of 112)

My washing machine actually turns itself off entirely when left.

Which is a pain in the arse as there is nothing to remind you that it still contains soggy clothing.

AppleCatcher - 12 Aug 2021 12:46:10 (#16 of 112)

Would you rather it played chamber music on a casio keyboard ca. 1982, like mine?

helbel - 12 Aug 2021 13:46:33 (#17 of 112)

All modern washing machines and dishwashers have a sequence of key presses that turn off the bleeping.

RTFM.

AppleCatcher - 12 Aug 2021 12:47:30 (#18 of 112)

Stop machinesplaining machines to me.

Verdigris - 12 Aug 2021 12:48:42 (#19 of 112)

Actually a washing machine beep, activated by an approaching person, would be useful. I have to leave the laundry basket in front of mine, to remind me there are clothes within, if I leave the house while the machine is on.

FleurDuMal - 12 Aug 2021 13:49:46 (#20 of 112)

You wait until the fridge is intelligent - and can give 'dietary advice'

Hah, can you imagine?

Put the chocolate back, you fat fuck - there’s plenty of lettuce in the salad drawer!

bossab2 - 12 Aug 2021 13:49:51 (#21 of 112)

Would you rather it played chamber music on a casio keyboard ca. 1982, like mine?

Nope. Just leaving the word 'end' on the display would be good

AppleCatcher - 12 Aug 2021 12:51:15 (#22 of 112)

Put the chocolate back

What sort of monster puts the chocolate in the fridge anyway?

toffle - 12 Aug 2021 13:54:31 (#23 of 112)

A monster who likes their chocolate in solid form.

toffle - 12 Aug 2021 13:55:36 (#24 of 112)

Hah, can you imagine?



I'm imagining something like:

Give me the chocolate, HAL.

I'm sorry Dave, I can't do that.

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