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Started by AppleCatcher on Aug 12, 2021 12:25:55 PM
Bleepy appliances

They never stop. The diswasher goes BEEP BEEP BEEEP (silence) BEEEEEP. The fridge complains loudly if you spend more than 1/2 a second trying to find something inside.

The washing machine. The bloody washing machine sings twelve fucking bars of the Schubert's schöne Müllerin when it's done. And the coffee machine! Passive aggressive little twat.

Talk about your appliance woes here.

JennyRad - 13 Aug 2021 21:24:02 (#90 of 112)

Or, when it's a hire car, it can be in a language you don't understand the nuances of. (The first time I hired a car abroad, I panicked completely when the tank was running empty because I had no idea whether I needed diesel or petrol and I certainly couldn't work it out from the manual in my almost-non-existent Greek. Luckily I was at a Linux event at which there were some locals who were able to help me out - and it turns out they don't even have diesel cars.)

TheExcession - 14 Aug 2021 00:05:11 (#91 of 112)

#89 This. Half the fucking manual is usually taken up with shit you'll never use on features on the in car entertainment system you don't have. But the stuff you actually need to drive the thing beyond the basic controls or do basic maintenance is more of a footnote.

Loogoo - 14 Aug 2021 00:41:07 (#92 of 112)

Everything beeps... so much so I beep after folding the laundry.. and I beep really loud if there is pile needing folding..

bossab2 - 14 Aug 2021 07:36:58 (#93 of 112)

Douglas Adams of course predicted all this in the 70s

http://www.technovelgy.com/ct/content.asp?Bnum=135

As the door closed behind them it became apparent that it did indeed have a satisfied sigh-like quality to it. “Hummmmmmmyummmmmmm ah!” it said.

wickeltisch - 14 Aug 2021 08:37:19 (#94 of 112)

I write the damn things for a living

<Remembers incomprehensible manuals. Glowers at cb>

carterbrandon - 14 Aug 2021 09:46:51 (#95 of 112)

Not mine - I have copious trade press reviews to prove it, luvvie.

carterbrandon - 14 Aug 2021 10:19:47 (#96 of 112)

Sometimes there are obscure menu options to turn beepings off. My microwave has that. Certainly worth a look, if you are very beep-averse.

bossab2 - 14 Aug 2021 10:26:54 (#97 of 112)

Tsk. I want beep 'options'

carterbrandon - 14 Aug 2021 10:30:17 (#98 of 112)

Think of default beeping as a positive choice to improve and normalise accessibility, and give thanks you have all your senses.

OldLefty - 14 Aug 2021 11:15:07 (#99 of 112)

I remember ICL manuals. Usually if you knew enough about whatever you wanted to do to understand the relevant manual section, you wouldn't need to look it up in the manual.

thePiMan - 20 Aug 2021 08:25:35 (#100 of 112)

What sort of monster puts the chocolate in the fridge anyway?

The sort of monster who doesn't have a freezer.

OneOfOne - 20 Aug 2021 08:44:27 (#101 of 112)

Top tip

On supermarket robo tills there is usually an audio button onscreen somewhere to mute the thing.

hailesaladdie - 20 Aug 2021 08:48:02 (#102 of 112)

Yes, but then you'll keep thinking the next till's noise is yours and end up with multiple UIITBAs or scanning your ready meal eleventy times.

Verdigris - 13 Sep 2021 19:17:58 (#103 of 112)

As noted above, the Grim Sweeper is apt to remind me that its battery is full, at not always suitable times.

Just now, this reached a new level, with it repeating the announcement every 30 seconds, or so. I think that mean, "Clean the floor, you dirty squalid bastard, before my fucking battery explodes", in machine-speak.

The floors are now being cleaned.

OldLefty - 13 Sep 2021 21:58:54 (#104 of 112)

One place I worked, one of the bosses (an American) had a talking car. If anyone came too close, it announced, in a strong American accent, "If you do not move away, an alarm will sound".

It kept the local kids occupied for hours.

kvelertak - 14 Sep 2021 07:30:16 (#105 of 112)

In a previous job, the numpty colleagues in Marketing put a small talking doll street cop into the in tray outside their own office and directly opposite my work area, so that every time someone walked past it announced "Step. Away. From the cookie jar".

Reader, I smashed it.

carterbrandon - 14 Sep 2021 08:35:59 (#106 of 112)

The BIOS group wired a sensor so that when you walked into their area, a speaker played the Star Trek door-opening noise.

TheExcession - 14 Sep 2021 08:44:21 (#107 of 112)

#101 The ones in our local Co-op are the worst. There is only room for one bag in the bagging area, yet removing one bag of shopping to fill another confuses them. The sensors are so sensitive that even lightly brushing the bagging area with an empty carrier bag sends them into a 'please wait for the assistant' loop. This sensitivity, however, does not extend to adding light items to a bag of shopping already in the bagging area where it refuses to acknowledge that you've placed a magazine/greetings card etc in your bag and sits there intoning 'please place the item in the bag'.

The single member of staff usually on duty is becoming used to my swears.

fogsake - 14 Sep 2021 08:50:01 (#108 of 112)

I want a Star Trek door-opening noise sensor now.

Tenesmus - 14 Sep 2021 11:13:49 (#109 of 112)

https://www.getdigital.co.uk/star-trek-electronic-motion-sensitive-door-chime.html

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