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Started by ReverendBlueJeans on Dec 20, 2021 11:17:43 PM
Stamp out elves. Now.

Or perhaps better, stamp on elves.

Elves are rubbish. First dragged onto the Christmas scene by a Louisa May Alcott story, America's Yuletide is obsessed with them. Yet they bring nothing to the party. They are stupid, annoying, mythical yet lacking on meaning. And Elf, with mugger-in-chief Will Ferrall, is the most overrated Christmas fillum.

I am a sucker for Christmas. But not elves. Contribute to their destruction here.

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Tomnoddy - 20 Dec 2021 23:33:59 (#1 of 37)

That Elf on the Shelf nonsense can do one. Flaming Stasi.

ReverendBlueJeans - 20 Dec 2021 23:48:51 (#2 of 37)

If you find an elf on the shelf 1) Nail it there so's it can't get away, 2) Set fire to the shelf.

Eligelis - 20 Dec 2021 23:57:59 (#3 of 37)

I like elves, but generally ones in books, that have the capability of making silmarils.

Macpaddy - 20 Dec 2021 23:59:27 (#4 of 37)

What about...pixies?

Tenesmus - 21 Dec 2021 00:15:36 (#5 of 37)

We'd have no elf 'n' safety without elves.

<runs with scissors>

Snarlygog - 21 Dec 2021 05:06:02 (#6 of 37)

#4 Pixies are a Devonian/Cornish thing. They lead you astray on Dartmoor.

spartak - 21 Dec 2021 06:25:12 (#7 of 37)

What about Dobby the house elf?

browserbutton - 21 Dec 2021 06:43:09 (#8 of 37)

Elves has left the building?

Pheeep - 21 Dec 2021 07:02:45 (#9 of 37)

Bunch or racist cunts in Lord of the Rings.

upgoer5goldrings - 21 Dec 2021 07:45:12 (#10 of 37)

In place of the Dark Lord you will set up a Queen. And I shall not be dark, but beautiful and terrible as the Morning and the Night.

Fair as the Sea and the Sun and the Snow upon the Mountain. Dreadful as the Storm and the Lightning. Stronger than the foundations of the earth.

All shall love me and despair

FrankieTeardrop - 21 Dec 2021 09:28:56 (#11 of 37)

Margaret Thatcher, there!!

ReverendBlueJeans - 21 Dec 2021 09:34:14 (#12 of 37)

I love the smell of burning elves in the morning.

Or evening, night, afternoon - I'm not fussy.

FleurDuMal - 21 Dec 2021 09:53:59 (#13 of 37)

This cat is doing his best:

https://twitter.com/americanindian8/status/1469343
655446163459?s=21

TheExcession - 21 Dec 2021 09:56:43 (#14 of 37)

The Eldar are the best elves. They have laser guns and spaceships, and can summon a twenty foot tall war god made of molten metal to settle arguments.

ReverendBlueJeans - 21 Dec 2021 10:10:53 (#15 of 37)

#13

applauds cat

ReverendBlueJeans - 22 Dec 2021 09:08:37 (#16 of 37)

I say you felllows - look at this genuine historical document I have just found. Careful - the ink's still wet.

It clearly states that on 22 December it is traditional to hold a 'Bonfire of the Elves';

wherein all toy elves shall be burnit and destroyit. Thus shall the annoyance they cause be expiatit. Thus saith the Lord...

Go to it, people.

BURN THE ELVES! BURN THE ELVES!

FleurDuMal - 22 Dec 2021 09:10:27 (#17 of 37)

Who are you - the Elffinder General?

HoHoHoff - 22 Dec 2021 09:31:54 (#18 of 37)

It's Elfen Safety gawn mad!

ReverendBlueJeans - 22 Dec 2021 10:52:51 (#19 of 37)

wee boy is brought in - he stands on a stool in front of Elfstamper BlueJeans' desk - EBJ leans forward and asks...

When did you last see your elf?

Eligelis - 22 Dec 2021 11:05:38 (#20 of 37)

"Are you, or have you ever been, a card carrying member of the Elfunist Party?"

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